Save Yourself From Heartbreak. The 8 Warning Signs That You Are Dangerously Infatuated.

“A lot of the time when people get married in infatuation, it will go down. That is inevitable. The infatuation stage will not last forever.” Tamera Mowry

 

We have all been there. The moment where you get into a new relationship and she is all you can think about.  The sight of her, her words, her touch, makes your heart skip.  You look at her picture throughout the day and desperately wait for any call or text.  You may say that you are “In Love”, but nothing could be further from the truth.

Dictionary.com defines infatuation as a verb meaning

“to inspire or possess with a foolish or unreasoning passion, as of love.”

As a noun, infatuation is described as:

  • a foolish and usually extravagant passion or love or admiration.
  • temporary love of an adolescent.
  • an object of extravagant short-lived passion.

The word that sticks out the most for me here is “Foolish” because I know from experience how being infatuated has caused me to do some incredibly foolish things and get into relationships with women I should have never gotten into relationships with. Many of us have done the same thing. We have made decisions based on feelings of infatuation, confusing them with feelings of love.  It wasn’t until I was already in my 40’s that I found out the difference between “Love” and “Infatuation, and saw how much I have been infatuated, but rarely have I been in love.



What Does Infatuation Look Like?

When I was 35 I met a woman that was 25 and gorgeous. She had seen me on a social media site and decided to message me.  I was floored and asked her to come with me to my friends New Year’s Eve party. When I picked her up I saw that her picture was nothing compared to who walked out towards my car. Once more, I was like WOW!

As the night went one we had our first kiss, bringing in the New Year. I remembered thinking “this was perfect and I was with the perfect girl”, even though I had just officially met her 4 hours ago. I was immediately infatuated. We became sexually involved and within two weeks we were saying that we loved each other.  Over the next few months, I discovered things that I didn’t like and there were definite red flags. I am a pretty conservative guy, she was very Liberal. We didn’t like the same music, the same movies, television shows, we disagreed on religion, all types of stuff. But she was gorgeous and the sex was great so my brain went into hibernation and I stayed in the relationship.

Then it came time to meet the folks. Her family lived in Atlanta so she met mine first. My brother and his wife saw right away that she was no good for me. She was selfish, self-centered, very judgmental, and controlling.  This woman didn’t like the fact that I was so close to my brother and his wife, she even hated that fact that I was close to a female cousin that was raised by my parents and thus more like my sister. Nevertheless, I stayed in the relationship, I was infatuated, and stupid.

Eventually we got engaged and she moved in. It was at this time (way too late) that I begin to question the relationship. It wasn’t until she called my mother “crazy” for coming to help my brother and his wife with their newborn son that I decided she had to go.  I broke off the engagement and the relationship.  The infatuation wore off and I came to my senses.

This is an extreme case of how infatuation makes us completely stupid.  It takes more than good looks and great sex to have a fulfilling relationship and it made me turn a blind eye to all the flags I had ignored.

I had since gotten into other relationships, all of which I shouldn’t have been in, but it was because I confusing“Infatuation” with “Love”.



How Do You Know You Are Infatuated?

1. You’ve only known her a short time, but already think you are in love

If you have only known her for two weeks, you don’t love her.  You don’t even know her yet.  How do you love someone you haven’t even taken time to get to know? Love is about taking time to know someone, not hurrying into anything because of a feeling you experience. It’s a new relationship, your brain is high on chemicals, and she’s hot, I get it.  You aren’t in love, though, slow down.

2.  You put her on a pedestal right away.

“I’m so lucky to have you”, “Why do you like a guy like me?” I have said stupid stuff like this. Losing my mind and placing a woman on a godlike pedestal and worshiping everything she does. In other words, we make them into something they aren’t.   I once dated a woman that admittedly had an incredible sense of style. Does that mean I need to put myself down because she had nice taste?  Seriously?!  WTF is wrong with me? Fellas, if you are doing stuff like this, STOP IMMEDIATELY.

3. You get really jealous if any guy talks to her.

You get insanely jealous at the thought of them even talking to another guy. Now we are all adults and we have all had sexual partners in the past. If the thought of her being with another guy drives you insane, you may have issues.  First of all, why are you thinking about her being with another guy? And second, are you really going to be that insecure. Let me tell you that insecurity and jealousy is like arsenic and cyanide to a woman and your chances of having any type of relationship with her will quickly diminish.

Don’t be a fool, however. I once dated a woman who had the nerve to be texting her ex-boyfriend while I was sitting next to her on the couch. I promptly escorted her out and found that he wasn’t in “ex” after all.  Don’t be the jealous type, but don’t be a fool either.

4.  You rush into taking that next step.

I became engaged to my ex after being with her six months. By eight months we were done. I knew a guy that was so infatuated that he popped the question after three months.  That ended after four. Chill out! If she is the right one for you take your time and get to know her. Rushing to “take her off the market” is the absolute worst thing you can do.  Along with popping the question is giving her a key to your home.  Would you give a stranger a key to your place? Yet you will give a woman you barely know one because she’s hot and says she loves you after a week? Don’t rush the process along.

 5.  You are totally obsessed with them leaving you.

Remember what I said about jealousy and insecurity being like arsenic and cyanide?  Do you freak out because she didn’t text you back after five minutes or didn’t call you back immediately? Do you think she is with someone else or no longer has an interest because of this?  Then you are infatuated, among other things. I’m telling you this was me. Looking at my phone every 5 seconds for that text to come through. If they get the slightest bit upset with me the whole relationship is over.  If your relationship makes you physically sick with anxiety, you don’t need to be in that relationship, or any, until you resolve some issues with yourself.

6. You put up with or demand unrealistic expectations.

I had a girlfriend that was insanely jealous (I what you’re thinking, what it is with me and crazy girlfriends).  I had an old cell phone that needed to be replaced and while shopping ran into a friend that worked at the T-Mobile store. I needed a new phone, she gave me an awesome deal and received a commission. Well, my girlfriend didn’t like that I received the deal from a “woman” claiming that she wanted to sleep with me, hence why she gave me the phone. She said that I should have only taken the deal from a guy. She later came to my apartment, unannounced, looking for this woman. I showed her around, and later showed her out.

Are you that way in relationships? Totally irrational and giving unreal expectations?  If so, you may have some unresolved issues to deal with. Don’t bring the baggage from your old relationship to your new one. You need to realize that the relationship isn’t going to be perfect. Expecting things to always feel amazing, that you will never have a fight, and the other person can never be upset with you, is unreasonable.

7. You fall in and out of love quickly and often.

First of all, you probably don’t know what love is.  For some people jumping in and out of relationships is like trying to find that next drug fix.  They can’t be alone, ever! They need to have someone there to tell them how special they are.  These people allow their relationship status to determine their level of happiness. Are you the type of person that skips in and out or relationships?  Do you need that feeling of infatuation?  I’ve heard one woman say “The best way to get over one person is to get under another.” I almost pitied her.

8. You feel alone, even when in the relationship.

This is a lesson I learned the hard way.

The person that cares the least, controls the relationship.

A person that is infatuated early on will do anything to keep the relationship going. They will ignore red flags, they will put up with disrespect, they will dismiss the warnings from family and friends, and they will make excuses, just to be with the individual they are infatuated with. I know because I have been there.  You do not have to lower yourself and you do not have to put up with disrespect, ever! If the person you are with doesn’t bring joy into your life, why are they there?  I always say, “I can be miserable on my own. I don’t need help with that.” But remember, you can be happy on your own as well.

 Conclusion

Learning the difference between love and infatuation has truly enlightened me to the possibilities of what may be to come. I don’t dive into relationships blindly, I don’t ignore red flags, and if I feel the euphoria coming, I can say to myself “OK, you’re becoming infatuated, relax and think.”  Learn the difference and save yourself a lot of heartache and pain.  The right person is out there, don’t rush the process.


Terrell CAbout-Me-picotton is a motivational blogger and a full-time single father of two boys who are his heart and soul.  His blog, Terrellcotton.com, is dedicated to helping men become better versions of themselves by planting the seeds for authentic manhood, fatherhood, and entrepreneurship.

 

 

 


 

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