Why Creating A Vision Is The First Step To Becoming An Authentic Man.

A few years ago I worked as a PC tech at a Non-Profit which supported low-income households by providing daycare, kindergarten, and adult education services.  I was told that one of the classrooms had a computer that wasn’t working so I had to go check it out.  I arrived at the classroom and as usual, it was full of loud children running around and two visibly stressed teachers trying to gain some measure of control.

As I entered the room a boy walked up to me and asked, “Are you my daddy”?  I didn’t believe he was serious and thought it must have been some sort of game.  “No little man I’m not your daddy” I answered.  He lowered his head in disappointment and slowly walked away.  It was then that I realized he was seriously asking if I was his father.  Watching him walk away, I begin to wonder how many other children were as desperate for a father figure.  So desperate that as soon as an unfamiliar man walks in the room they rush to him hoping he is their father.  Children, praying for a real father figure because the man that should be in their life isn’t.

What Happened to Authentic Manhood?

"But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."  1 Timothy 5:8

Many men have allowed their role in the home to be reduced from being the leaders of the family as God intended to just a guy that comes over once in awhile.  What happened to the real men?  Men that are the model of authentic manhood. Men that are the example of strength and integrity to his sons.  To his daughters, an example of how a man should love and respect her.  To his wife, a lover, provider, and protector.  Where are these men?

We live in a world where being an authentic man and having a strong sense of self-goes against the status quo.  Feminism has replaced masculinity as a sign of strength. Our society often makes fathers the idiot of the family and wife the pillar of strength.  Popular media portrays him often as a buffoon who needs to me saved by his often disrespectful children. He has no credibility and has no respect in his own home. Often seen as less useful than the family dog.

In the African American community, the situation is even worse.  People are often surprised if the father is involved with his children or married to the mother at all.  The role of a husband has been replaced by the “Baby-Daddy”.  This is a “man” ( for lack of a better word) goes around making babies with random women while showing little regard for any of them. He isn’t a man that commits to anyone besides himself, while delegated the role of provider and protector to the women in his absence as he goes and creates more broken families.

This is so common that women actually expect such behavior from the men, hence why they don’t expect them to commit and make her a wife.  Instead, they settle for the role of a “baby-momma” instead of having enough self-respect to demand any type of commitment.  Too many women find themselves being the chief giver of wisdom and knowledge because the men simply refuse to take the role.  Children grow up often confused by a faulty and conflicting family dynamic.  A dynamic that is ridiculously flawed since it doesn’t include a father.


Related Article. What Does It Mean To Be A Man? 10 Rules That Define Authentic Biblical Manhood.

Creating a Vision of Fatherhood

It is time that men stand up and take their rightful place as providers, protectors, teachers, and leaders of the family.  This starts when we defy the status quo and have a vision for authentic manhood.

“In order to carry a positive action, we must develop here a positive vision.” Dalai Lama

Whether we want to admit it or not, every household is affected either positively or negatively by the presence or absence of a father.  A father that casts the vision of Godly character and brings a sense of order and peace to his home.   A man that lacks vision cannot bring order and peace to his home because if he lacks vision he will lack structure. That absence of structure will lead to dysfunction in the home.  A man with a vision brings a spirit of order and peace that contributes to the home having a positive atmosphere.

“You seek the heights of manhood when you seek the depths of God.”  Edwin Louis Cole

When a Godly father is present in the home he comes together with the mother and they agree on a vision that will lead to the social, relational, spiritual, and economic success of the family.  They will provide a roadmap for the future, which includes building a standard of excellence, a disdain for mediocrity, and assistance in helping their children find their passion.

Vision for Single Man.

Even if a man is single, having a vision is important.  A man that has a vision avoids wandering aimlessly through life stuck in a void of extended adolescence.

A person stuck in extended adolescence has the look of a man, but the maturity of a boy.  He is a man that is unable to hold down any job that requires professionalism or demands mental maturity. A man that is stuck in a world that doesn’t require that he grow up, preferring to hang with his friends, sleep around with random women, and treat life as one big party, instead of having any real sense of self-control or responsibility.  Some men living a life of extended adolescence choose to live in a fantasy world where they sit in their mother’s basement engaging with others through artificial means such as social media, pornography, and video games, instead of real life.

A man with a vision will construct a path to success and walk that path.  The sooner this vision map is created, the greater the probability of success.  He will look into the future and see what type of man, and father, he wants to be and the life he wants to establish. He will then take the necessary steps to become that man and when the time comes, he will be not only an authentic man but an authentic father.

Vision for Single Fathers.

"The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision." Helen Keller

I recognize that all relationships don’t end well and sometimes it’s better to split up.  However, divorced doesn’t mean detached.  Separation from the mother doesn’t mean separation from your children and your responsibilities.

Some men will revert back to extended adolescence after a divorce. They will seek to identify with their children as a friend instead of raising them as a father. They would rather their children like and accept them instead of being a father that guides and disciplines them.   Immature behavior during and after a separation will only disrupt the development of your children, leaving them victimized by the breakup.  Your children’s future and well-being should always remain your number one priority.

Before I was married, I remember telling a friend that if the mother of my children and I  didn’t work out that I would rather take care of my children myself instead of allowing anyone else to raise them.  In 2003 my marriage ended, but my duty as a father to my two young sons didn’t.  I am proud to say that I have been a 24/7 single father since 2004.  I said I would raise my children and I meant it.   They have a high sense of morals because that is what I have instilled that in them.  As their father, I am the model of what a man should be and no one else.


When you create a vision for authentic manhood, you are sharing your aspirations and the methods for making your vision a reality.  This vision means a separation from the negative images of manhood from your past.  It means not allowing society’s definition of what a man should be affect your vision.  Decide to be a visionary, decide to defy the status quo and decide to be different.   Create the legacy you want to leave with your children.


Terrell Cotton is a motivational blogger and a full-time single father of two boys who are his heart and soul.  His blog, Terrellcotton.com, is dedicated to helping men become better versions of themselves by building upon authentic manhood, fatherhood, and faith.


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